1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills… she now has 14 kids but she doesn’t really care.
2. One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.
6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my panties.
10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet, for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes!
11. Skinny people irritate me when they say things like…’You know sometimes I forget to eat!’ Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then they marry him.
13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating far too much, impulse buying and driving way too fast. Are they kidding? Just throw in a cocktail and that’s my idea of a perfect day!
LIVE SIMPLY…LAUGH OFTEN…LOVE DEEPLY
“ If I could jump for Joy, I would. So you, go ahead, no one is watching ” ~ Barbara
( Just For Fun : 0 )
**Original author unknown**
This is an original work of the author unless otherwise stated. **Modified*